My husband and I have been following the story of a family from Germany who have come to the United States so that they may home-school. This family, the Romeikes, decided that they didn't like the way that the public schools were teaching. More importantly, they decided that what the schools were teaching did not align with what they believed as Christians. Their struggle has inspired me to really look inside at all the reasons that I have decided to home-school.
I went to public school. I had many wonderful teachers, teachers who inspired me and helped me to become who I am. I will never forget them. However, I cannot put that label on the Geometry teacher who had us open our books and read while he slept. Nor can I give best teacher award to the math teacher who lectured us on hygiene the day someone passed gas in her class. I used to wonder what it was that made the difference. I think I understand what it was now.
I have remained friends with one of my favorite teachers. I have since learned that she often broke the rules. Her constant desire to help students drove her to tutoring after school. She would stay until the student felt confident in what they were learning. I thought she was amazing for doing what she was doing. She made me feel special. I wanted to be a teacher just like her.
I went to college with stars in my eyes and hope in my heart. I did well in at least most of my classes. Then I got to a class that dealt with the laws associated with teaching. Even though I did well in the class, I started to become dis-heartened. I could be sued for hugging a kid who may really need it or for leaving my Bible on my desk. Despite these issues, I thought I could still make a good teacher.
As part of a class I was taking, I was given the opportunity prior to student teaching to go into a classroom and teach real kids real lessons that I had come up with. It was while in this class that I finally figured out that I would never make a good public school teacher. I came face-to-face with a child who desperately needed a hug. The teacher I was with talked to me about what he knew about the child's home life, a life full of social workers. I had nightmares of facing this same child over and over again, each time with a different face and spaced all too frequently throughout my career. I remember crying at night.
I turned to my favorite teacher. She had felt the same way. She left the public school system to teach in the private sector where she could be the teacher she wanted to be without hassle. Apparently, she had not received the high praise I felt she deserved. After giving so much to her students, she had instead been constantly complained about and to regarding the fact that she was always staying late at school. When she retired, they gave her a $20 gift card.
I was going to take her advice and go into the private schools when I met my husband who introduced me to another option. He had been home-schooled. It was almost a radical concept to me. I could teach my students. No lesson plan is too complicated. I can hug my students. If they need more help in one subject, I don't have to worry about boring twenty-nine other students to help the one who needs it, or leave one student behind on behalf of twenty-nine. If my child is advanced in a subject, I can spend time nurturing that advancement.
Sometimes it feels like I ran away. After all, public schools need good teachers. I wasn't afraid of being a good teacher. I instead feel like I have made the decision to break outside of the mold and be a different kind of teacher. I think it makes me brave in a different way.
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